by Scott Johnson

Look, we get it—there’s a lot that goes into planning a wedding. Venue, flowers, dress, shoes, suits, seating arrangements, vows—you name it. It’s a tough, tough job having to plan all of this out—which is why wedding planners exist—but what about the maid of honor, best man or parent of the bride or groom who has to dig deep into their souls and find something that speaks to the character of their friend. That is a tough job—believe me, I had to give the toast for the founder of Best Made Videos.

I mean, if only they knew how hard it was to write a speech that somehow captured both heart and humor, then maybe just maybe, they’d understand the sheer amount of pressure we face in the months leading up to the wedding. What if it isn’t funny? What if it’s too mean-spirited? What if they cry too much? What if I cry too much?

Well, we can’t write your speech for you, but we can give you some tips we just picked up from The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Bridesand Wedding Crashers for good measure. First of all, this one is from Wedding Crashers—always, always, always come from the heart. Don’t try to be too funny—humor is absolutely important—but you don’t want to be too harsh. If in doubt, simply tell a story you have of the couple and how it showed they were meant to be. Other helpful hints include acknowledging the guests, talking about your connection, being positive and staying away from alcohol for your own sake and that of who you’re toasting.

You wouldn’t believe how many toasts we’ve heard, but we’ve somehow managed to whittle down our huge backlog to just three. So let’s check them out—oh, and prep the tissues.

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Veldee Wedding, 07/31/17, DeLille Cellars

You probably wouldn’t ever expect one of your parents to absolutely kill it with their toasts—that job is often left up to your best man or maid of honor who know the even more embarrassing details you wouldn’t want your parents to know about—but the Veldee wedding is something entirely unique for us. Not only is it absolutely wonderful in that it is the bride’s mom getting to “roast” the groom, but it is honestly one of the sweetest and most touching speeches we’ve witnessed.

As Kat’s mom starts off, explaining she and her daughter were digging through some old “love letters,” they found one written by the groom himself—check Kat apologizing to him for the ambush—which she most certainly brought to be read aloud. But before digging into the juicy letter, her mom describes how the two met—with Kat coming home everyday in 7th grade saying “there’s this annoying boy that sits behind me in class.” But, as her mom noticed, she would always be smiling when she was “complaining.”

As the years went by, he would invite her to school dances, prom (where they ended up being queen and king) only to be distanced by college…which is where this letter comes in. After a year of being apart, the letter was sent, and in it he writes, “Dear my beautiful, loving girlfriend,” before being cut off by he who wrote it saying, “let’s just end it there.” Alas, her mom continued, “Only a few weeks left until I shall depart this land they call Oregon in search of pastures anew for the summer time. My likely destination, your heart.”

There’s tons more to it, but you probably get the picture!

Sanchez Wedding, 08/28/16, Historic 1625

If ever there was a tear-jerking toast, this would be up there with some of the best. Sometimes a sibling is the best friend you’ve always had, and they stand up there with you knowing not only yourself, but also your significant other. So often times they have not only a great insight on your character, but also your fiancé. As is the case with our next vows.

“This is really difficult,” the bride’s sister begins, “she is the baby of the family. We have eleven years between us. I’ve watched her, I’ve babysat her from diapers to now. I’ve been protective of her through the many years. I’ve watched her blossom from a young lady to this beautiful woman right here.”

She then starts in on her time with the groom, “Then she met Jesus, who worked his way to our hearts through our stomachs. I mean, the guy can cook, you know, and we love him. He fed us,” which was met with a huge applause. Who can blame her for mentioning that—it’s the easiest way to anybody’s hearts.

Briggs Wedding, 08/15/16, Historic 1625

There’s a running joke amongst most best friends that they—without any doubt whatsoever—wish for their future children to be married and then they’d be in-laws. Very rarely does this actually happen—but we happened to be so lucky as to film the wedding of such an occasion. As the two moms start out their speech, they announce that this has actually been “25 years in the making, and we did it!” They then joke about how they think their kids thought this was simply their own natural chemistry, but they take all the credit for themselves.”

The father of the bride comes up next, joking about how he didn’t want to be surprised by any of his daughter’s suitors, so he “started the vetting process early. Basically, about birth, ok. There’s things you need to know: background checks, credit reports, internet search history, text messages. That’s not the important stuff, I wanted to know how long for Joey to be potty trained, ok. I needed to know if he shared his toys well with others. Did he talk back to his mom? He passed with flying colors.”

I mean, what are the odds. Take back what I said earlier about parents not knowing everything. They know somethings.

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Was your toast at the wedding particularly special? Did it reduce the room to tears or make the double over laughing? Let us know below!